Less Poetry, More Stuff.

Fate Lent Me A Hand

2011-03-09T11:56:00.000-08:00

Fate lent me her hand,
When I didn't know I needed it,
And started down a narrow path,
One that lead me straight to you.

Trust, he put a smile on your face,
Ont that made my world stop turning,
He whispered sweet thoughts into my heart,
That's when I was sure you'd tear it apart.

Lust, she made me wish,
We could go back to that night on the beach,
Just you and I and my selfish lie,
And knowing I can't is killing me.

Reality, she slapped me across the face,
When you went and dropped a bomb,
And I realized I'm not quite over you,
Now I'm left standing in the wreckage.

Love and his charming trickery,
I left knocking at the door,
While I hid in the shadows of my past,
Won't you accept my plea, "I'm so very sorry."

Where was my mind when,
Fate lent me the hand, that lead me to you.

Never Failing Trend

2011-03-07T11:03:00.000-08:00

If only it were simple,
Maybe it was at one time,
But this shadow that is my past,
Still haunts me like a ghost.

My reason you don't want,
Regardless I must tell you,
His words were his weapon,
My heart was his victim.

Wounded I was left there,
My fathers dirty deed was done,
Then I decided I could prevail,
But brick by brick my wall I built.

Its my wall you've come up against,
I was to blind to see you didn't run,
But I'm managed to ruin it anyways,
This seems to be my never failing trend.

I Promise

2011-01-10T20:33:00.000-08:00

The worst of me you've witnessed,
I've seared it into your heart,
Such a talented ruse that is my smile,
You don't realize I'm far from transparent.

You seized my trust not long after we met,
But somewhere along the way it was mislead,
Its left you puzzled wondering why,
And I'm determined to keep it to myself.

Silently I sit with these muses I keep hidden,
Unable to comprehend my cryptic nature are you,
So paralyzed by repeated history am I,
I won't let you draw any nearer to my heart.

You inquire what I'm scared of,
It's a painful thought to think,
Skillfully I'll dodge a simple answer,
I won't supply the ammunition this time.

Your sincerity is all I ask,
But this dreaded doubt comes crashing back upon me,
I need to know I'm more than a diversion,
But until then I'll never open up.

I promise.

Divine Redemption

2010-07-25T20:31:00.000-07:00

The past has slipped through my fingers;
And the future threatens to consume me;
My hopes and dreams turn to fears;
As you impose your acrimonious views on me;
This depiction of an existence at your side;
Is tempting in its magnificent splendor;
It's a ruse I've been informed;
This letting doubt seep into the cracks of my heart;
But you eradicate my skepticism with your tone;
I'm surrendering to you my soul without resistance;
I've fallen for your deception;
Your grip is tightening, I'm losing my head;
A distasteful deadness starts to permeate throughout my veins;
I can't bottle these emotions inside;
Yet I'm struggling to let them go;
The battle has begun, I'm falling behind;
Suddenly I see a beautiful glimmer;
Might it be hope back to undermine me again?
Or your wonderful saving grace?
In route to elicit the poison you've infused;
The struggles at its pinnacle, I turn my eyes away;
Ready to relinquish everything to this demon;
Unexpectedly you call me by name;
My eyes flash back to your glorious light;
I'm struggling again to take hold of you;
My demons grip is loosening;
I can feel your aura grasping me;
Eliciting me from the grasp of this fiend;
I can't focus on anything but your splendid face;
Then as I look for redemption in your magnificent eyes;
I can feel my life returning realizing what I'd done;
I'd been tricked by the devil and my savior won;
Forever my savior I give to you, my every breath.

Photos

2010-06-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

COMMENTS PLEASE!!

BP!

Deprivation

2010-06-11T23:20:00.000-07:00

Just imagine;
Complete sensory deprivation;
Locked inside your own being;
Immersed in a sea of darkness;
Forbidden to know the wonders of life.

No sight, no smell:
Never will thy see the light of day;
The lingering aroma of beauty;
One will never experience;
Could you find a niche in this world?

No taste, no touch:
The tongue has been stripped;
Leaving nothing to be savored;
Fingertips they softly stray;
Yet they lack the needed sensation.

No sound;
Just the simple whispers of silence;
The growing fury of a hushed soul;
A brutal internal battle of the mind;
Without doubt sanity will surly lose.

Imagine;
Once the predator;
Now becomes the prey.

A Blurred Reality

2010-06-06T19:16:00.000-07:00

Once upon a yesterday I once knew a girl;
Sweet, young, so innocent to;
Crushed by the one she needed most;
Yet she'd shrug and say she's let go.

Today she smiles, malleable in reality's hands;
If you knew her then you wouldn't now;
She's the one in the corner, hidden;
Confused yet unbroken, she's hollow.

She accepts no pity, she's strong;
Kicked to the curb to be replaced;
Left to feed off the resentment in her heart;
Never will she be known as a daddies girl.

You can often find her notebook in hand;
Below her silent facade is the soul of a poet;
Writing of the life she wishes she had;
I know she'll prevail in the end.

Yet on the brink of adulthood she's troubled;
Never a daddies girl, 18 lands on the worst of days;
There's something missing, a stolen puzzle piece;
She'll use her smile as a pretense to hide behind.

It's midnight when the tears spill;
Never was she good enough;
So pen and paper she grabs;
Tonight she writes.

Because, the pen is mightier than the blade;
And the pain isn't as bad when reality is blurred.

A Game Of The Heart

2010-06-04T20:00:00.000-07:00

I stand here today to proclaim
This feeling I'm feeling inside
Tried to numb it, all attempts failed.

You're just beyond my reach
Courage is building deep within
Upon my attempt my heart is hurt.

She's standing before me
Knowing everything I was about to say
The welling of these tears they sting.

You're speaking her name
Unaware my heart I was about to bare
Now this lump within my throat it grows.

Suddenly I see what I'm wrapped up in
A deadly game of the heart not designed for one
It's heartbreak in it truest form.

Back it up for just a moment
If you look real deep you'll see I'm not broken
Reality has simply administered its cruelty.

Times never the giver of remorse
Every wound we are given will eventully heal
Somewhere in my future I'll find a new hope.

For all of the Castle fans. Sad to say but the end of season two... made me what to cry... so this is how I released my frustration.

A Little Explanation For My Lack of Activity

2010-05-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

Okay, so unlike all my other posts... that include poetry, writing etc. This post simply contains my ranting.

I'm sorry to those of you who frequent my site daily, for my lack of activity. Just recently (a few weeks ago.) My computer decided to inherit a big nasty virus! Yikes! So its currently on desk rest. While I, being a student and totally broke, does some odd jobs for people so I can get the money needed to take it to the "doctor" as the two year old at my house would put it.

This has to be the one and only humorous thing about this experience. My family babysits for my cousin. His two girls are Micayla who is five, and a total diva! And Lexis, the two year old who's been nicknamed the "pint size dictator." Ha ha ha. She loves the nickname.

The night that my computer got the virus... I was sitting at the kitchen table working on an essay for my AP English class. Being raised with tons of guys... I do tend to have a slight issue with swearing when I'm frustrated or angry. I try to control my tongue when the kids are there... but sometimes I slip. Tonight was one of those nights. Lexis was on the floor coloring, and when the pop ups started to come up, informing me of my computers "sickness"
I became frustrated, and then I said, "Ah F***!" Of course I covered my mouth and turned to the little girl on the floor. She just looked up and smiled, "Whats wrong?" So then I started to try and explain the problem. I told her, "My computers... sick." I thought that was a good way to explain it until she then said, "How did your computer get sick?" I wasn't prepared to answer this so I simply said, "Some body on the Internet wanted to hurt my computer." Evidently she didn't understand, because the next thing out of her mouth was, "Why?" The worst word ever! I then said, "Because some people are just bad people!" She looked at me, then back to my computer... kissed the screen, and said, "Get better soon."
I was relieved when she ran off into the living room, and then I heard her start talking. She said, "Ah F*** Auntie, Brendas computer is sick!" My mouth fell to the floor. I knew it was not good for her to talk like that, but it was because of me that she repeated it.... so I had to later explain to her why we don't say those words... So now, whenever she hears that word... she runs up behind you... spanks you... and tells you that your bad!

You could say I learned my lesson.

Yet, my computer is still "sick." I've got a few new pieces to post, but they are at home... and I'm at school. I'll try to get them up one of these days! I promise! Just keep commenting, and passing my url to family and friends. Its those of you who help me the most that deserve the credit! You guys are all amazing!

Thanks to everyone!
Sincerely,
BP!

A Stranger And My Best Friend

2010-05-05T11:33:00.000-07:00

I see a spark in you're smile,
And stars in you're eyes.

I hear a melody in you're voice,
A guiding light in you're words.

I feel a sense of rightness in you're presence,
An electric current in you're touch.

I can smell your sweet scent in your absence,
A lingering reminder of all that you are.

You're simply someone I'd hate to forget,
An open book and a mystery all the same.

You're a stranger and my best friend.

Love Just To Love Again.

2010-05-05T11:17:00.000-07:00

Once upon a yesterday,
Your love lived within my heart,
What a life we could have shared.

Now my love you've left me,
Gone like the whispers in the wind,
Swept away by lust and destiny.

Yet I'm still breathing,
My heart is still beating,
I'm living.

Your failing and falling,
I'm watching you weep,
Your dying.

This pain you spoke of,
I don't feel it,
I'm not broken.

This is something that needs to be said,
You may have planned damage,
Yet your the one in pain.

I'm just letting you know,
You may have thrown 'us' away,
But love will live here again.

This Intolerant Hope

2010-04-30T21:19:00.000-07:00

Hope, what have you done?
You've betrayed me again,
Turned my eyes towards hell.

You took a piece of my heart,
Slipped it in your pocket,
A souvenir of your deed.

With an unbreakable string to bind,
You know I'll be back,
And without a doubt I will.

You're an addiction,
One worse than any drug,
I'll never be able to live without you.

So piece by piece,
Please take my heart,
Every last bit.

Cause as long as I have you,
I can handle the profound pain.

A Promise

2010-04-27T21:44:00.000-07:00

It's an everyday thing,
A greeting in the morning,
An 'until tomorrow' at night,
A promise.

I'm not used to losing,
But my history it haunts me,
So tonight I say goodbye,
A promise.

I asked for his permission,
Yet he's still trying for her attention,
But I won't let him win,
A promise.

You Can't Break A Broken Heart

2010-04-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

I hold my head high,
With effort,
I need you to know,
I'd give you my heart,
Without hesitation,
You may ask me why,
I'll give you the truth,
You can't break a broken heart.

Gods Gift

2010-04-12T18:48:00.001-07:00

The waves crash upon the sand,
As birds of the air take to the sky,
Far above the sun permeates warmth,
As the small children play,
The grass does its skillful dance,
As the late summer sun cools,
I look out over this depiction,
And marvel over gods wonderful world.

Is It Moday Yet?! (Castle)

2010-04-12T18:11:00.000-07:00

My teachers don't understand
Why I'm so happy on Monday
Or why I'm wearing a "writer" vest tee,
Murder and mystery swirl around in my head,
As I spend my uneventful fifth hour,
Writing down numerous Castle fanfics,
Time tends to drag,
Until the dismissal bell rings,
On to practice I'll suffer till it is through
Castletv.net I'm on my way,
To chat with my fellow Castle pals,
10 P.M. brings forth lots of laughs,
And episode after episode epicness,
Stana is stunning, a shining star,
Nathan is nutty, and kind of bizarre,
All in all Castle is a dish of sheer awesomeness,
And I find myself saying as the previews are done,
"Is it Monday yet?!"

Fearless

2010-04-10T20:13:00.000-07:00

To fear the inevitable would be quite obtuse
But I am one who thinks of death and runs
To hide behind this insubstantial naive heart of mine
I don't know what to expect when I stumble
And I'm terrified of the seemingly perpetual fall
But somehow out of nowhere you appear
You smile so sweetly and I become bemused
Could you be an angel sent from above?
With a voice so tender you murmur in my ear
A lulling melody of beautiful intricate words
Your wonderful words of encouragement
Are enough to draw me from behind my bastion
Now I stand before you innocent as a rose
Scared to death of the events of my unknown future
You reach for my hand as if to say you're here
I'm faced with the convoluted choice
Do I take your hand and jump together
Or take the chance and jump alone
It's difficult decision and I'm thankful
Wisdom alone could not guide me through
So as I reach out to grasp your hand
I know I've got you and my wisdom
To guide me through this unconventional life
No longer will I fear the loaming promise of death
I know I've only got this one life to live
And with you at my side and my god up above
I'm ready and willing to stand resolute.

Every Girl Is Beautiful

2010-04-03T13:30:00.000-07:00

I know how much it hurts
When the world makes you feel ugly
A picture of perfection on every cover
A product that makes promises
Consumed by the need for exactness
We're hurting ourselves
Hiding our true beauty
Every single one of us has a gift
Some of us will be models
But not everyone can be one
Some of use will be doctors
Lawyers
Mothers
Singers
And writers
Each and everyone
Will have their own kind of beauty
So tell your friends
You're sisters and you're mother
Remind them that their beautiful
Just the way they are.

This may not be my greatest work, but I feel it needed to be wrote. I've met an amazing young woman who needed someone, and I hope she knows that I understand her pain. I've been in her shoes. So this goes out to her, and every other woman or girl who reads it! Every single woman is strong and beautiful no matter what the world says. Also, another big inspiration to this piece came from Kellie Picklers song "Don't you know your beautiful." Listen to it girls!
And remember your beautiful!

BP!

Every Young Soul Falters

2010-04-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

With the passing of each evanescent moment
I'm faced with the reality's of this world
A friend is not a friend unless you buy them
Bound together with the ties of inane money
Only bothering to chat when you need something
I wish it didn't have to be this way
Entwined beneath the novelties of the "USA"
Is a world the big man doesn't want us to see
An economy that's been drove into the ground
Slander, duplicity, lies, deceitfulness!
A nations youth full of violence and damnation
We're circling around the drain of a death pool
Its sad to say were living in a man eat man society
Everywhere I look I see corruption
TV shows me violence
And music although corrupt is my only true friend
Adults try to take the wheel of my life
Causing me to revolt
They are the monkey that's on my back
To bad there aren't aware
That I've been walking in their shoes for awhile now
It seems to me that childhood has become a virtue
Cause I've been forced to jump without my wings
And I pray as I fall that I'll survive
You've been telling me its easy
That I'd find my wings before I hit rock bottom
But I didn't and now I'm picking up the pieces
With everyone watching not willing to lend a hand
I was foolish to think you'd tell me the truth
You've put the first crack in my fragile heart
But I'll show you that I won't be fooled again.

Glances

2010-04-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this is one that I wasn't going to post, but decided that I've nothing to lose ;) and everything to gain. After all chances are meant to be taken.

I don't know why
You take the late night train
Behind those striking blue eyes
I'm sure theres a story
I turn ever so slightly to glance at you
You send back a lopsided grin
And I wonder why your always alone

Months go by, these glances we'll share
Until I build up the courage
To inquire your name
But before I can you disappear
I'm upset, but not with you
Rather its because I wasn't able to ask
So I'll take your old spot
On this midnight train
To remind myself
That chances are meant to be taken

And so day after day I'll wait for you
But is become to much of a disappointment
I've decided today will be the last day
And I'm almost in tears was the train starts
Then suddenly I feel a tap on my shoulder
I turn and am met by your blue eyes
Ever so sweetly you smile and say
"Hello, my name is Jason."

People Change

2010-03-31T18:56:00.000-07:00

I see the brilliant light in your eyes
And the way you look upon her face
You're gaze emits such undeniable devotion
With all the talent you've got under your belt
You've been guaranteed success where ever you go
Bright is the future you've been blessed with
But the lady at your side has gifts of her own
She's a charlatan some would say
And I've started to notice the light of your eyes dimming
Suddenly your no longer the friend I used to know
Vanished you are sucked into her black abyss
It's a horridly painful realization
When someone you know becomes someone you knew
Wearily I must press on and close this chapter
But just as I've become comfortably numb
You stumble back broken hearted
Looking for a haven from your own apocalypse
Now you know you held Satans angel
Certain that she was nothing short of holy
I'm torn! and I'm unsure of what to do
A friend would welcome you back without hesitation
I know what it feels like to lose you
But I have to think of what is good for me
I'm sorry but I can't take you back
If all you do is plan to hurt me again
I'm sorry, but sometimes people change.

A Fork In The Road

2010-03-27T19:23:00.000-07:00

As time slips by
My eyes lose sight of the luster
Feelings start to manifest deep inside
Bringing me to a new chapter in my life
I've no interest in the novelties of childhood
And I'm not sure of where I belong
People watch me with expectant eyes
Their voices close in around me
Infusing into my mind what they would do
But I refuse to let you tell me
And their unhappy with my resistance
I wish that you might be able to see
I'm trying to find my wings
The choice is not one thats meant to be easy
And I'm struggling to hear my own heart
Your constant pressure has me in a choke hold
I wish you could see the resentment building
I'm not going to take the road that pleases you
Firm in my choice I take the first step
Turning only to see the disappointment in your eyes
Your disaproval is now a whisper in the breeze
And with another step I'm gone.

A Small Piece of A Special Project

2010-03-23T22:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, so some of you have wanted me to post a taste of my fiction. Here is a short piece out of my most recent novel. I'm not quite sure where I'm going with it though. =( I do love it though! =) So give me some advice! Each and every comment is read and taken into consideration =D

You can't see death come; when it jumps at you unexpectedly. Like a shot in the dark, or a snake tensed a ready to strike its helpless, incoherent prey. I myself saw it, but didn't care. I toyed with it absentmindedly with it like I wanted it more than anything else.
I never believed the there was life after death, a place unlike any one person's imagination. To be honest I never bargained for this either; maybe I was damned. My life was nothing like it used to be. I can vividely remember the day I died, the day that only god and myself were witness to, or so I thought.

Hope you enjoyed!
BP!

I'll Never Be You're Daddy's Girl

2010-03-20T17:46:00.000-07:00

Questions swirl around me like a whirlpool
Each one a dagger driven towards my chest
Curled up in this ball in the dead of night I scream
Enormous sobs build in my chest
An ocean of tears flood my cheeks
Why can't the world understand!?
Instead it brings blow after blow
Each one bringing me back to the start
When you told me I was worthless
That I'd never prosper
I wish you could see what you did
The nights I wake with sweat drenched hair
As the violent screams get caught in my throat
My body tensed continues to tremble
As the feeling of uselessness consumes me
I clutch my blanket the only comfort I've got
Nobody makes the motions anymore
They look down on me with pity in their eyes
But their still clueless
Lost in the battle within
I'm out of touch with the world
Days turn into weeks
And without warning the years slip past me
Now your back a new conquest in mind
But I won't give you the satisfaction
I'm learning that the pain you caused
It's made me stronger then I thought I was
But it's nothing more than a pretense
One that caries me until daylight has expired
But night gives way to the weaker me
The only part of me that still feels real
As morning beckons I cover the evidence
My sleepless night has left behind
You're the ghost of my past
Returning only to haunt my future
As freedom and adulthood near
I try to avoid your presence
But it seems that your only reason for breathing
Is to drive my already damaged heart into the ground
And claim it was all in the pursuit of absolution
But I'm standing my ground
My hearts not a toy for you to play with
And I'm not going to allow it anymore
I'm sure you'll be shocked when I tell you
That I wish you'd leave
Maybe then you'll finally see
That you were the one who broke me.

Languishing

2010-03-19T22:12:00.000-07:00

If I could silence this fear
I'd throw caution to the wind
But I'm caught up in this saftey net
This trouble manifests deep within
And my heart beats out a broken rhythm
Yet my soul is still present and vital
Your eyes scream out a warning
And your intentions are crystal clear
Convinced you could take me, and break it down
The wall I've built from heartache and mistrust
So I'll take cover behind this still heart of mine
As you persist in showing me
A beautifully flawed new world
One where pain and hurt have subsided
All but forgotten the flaws are evident
I can see all the bad hidden behind the good
I'm skittish at first but I've started to feel
This broken heart has started to heal
But fear lurks behind the pain
You start to advance as I shut down
For fear has broken through this perfect facade
But you've got a firm grip on my hand
And I'm scared to the point of hysteria
Doubt, fear, and a painful ache hitch in my chest
The wall like magic is building itself up again
But you won't let me go down without a fight
Not willing to part, but I don't know why
I'm never going to be whole again
But your willing to hold onto a troubled soul
And as long as it may take
You've promised to be there.

Okay, now the untitled piece has a name =D
BP!

Rise And Fall

2010-03-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

I'm known to puzzle you with my beautiful occult gift
You cannot debilitate the wall I've built
Terribly complacent am I at keeping a comfortable distance
Its the distance that makes me sure
That you're unable to see the tragedy that is my soul
Persistently you'll importune for knowledge of my past
But jaded is the heart that beats unsteadily in my chest
Letting down this guard is nothing short of impossible
Cryptic I am but you don't understand why
And your the most impetuous person I know
I long to grasp that part of my life without restraint
Locked inside I spill my heart and soul onto this paper
Tempted am I to jump headlong with everyone watching
Aware of those who'd rather see me fail
You snooped behind my back and betrayed my heart
And even with my cautious behavior
Your blind to the fact that you seared away my trust
You crept across my threshold and slowly my facade is slipping
My eyes start to moisten as I being to shut down
Little did you know that I was going to let you in
Expose my broken heart as if to invite heartbreak
But you've proved me wrong and now I flinch away
Nothing you can say will ever make this pain go away.

In An Evanescent Moment

2010-03-16T20:26:00.000-07:00

I can feel freedoms sweet breath
As it slips so effortlessly down my spine
Eliciting a mixture of fear tinged excitement
I try to move without letting fear dominate
I shouldn't jump headlong into the great abyss
With tightly closed eyes and a guarded heart
Your breathtakingly occult gift of compassion
Was only meant to last an evanescent moment
A strange imperuous need for absolution
Has started to linger in the depths of my soul
Your mysterious with your flawless exterior
But I'm disturbed by the tragedy behind your mask
I'm not ready to give it all up to you
But adulthood's knocking at the front door
While childhood is slipping out the back
Caught up in this wary moment
I'm forced to grasp freedom with both hands
And as I take hold I'll force a smile
As the world waits with baited breath
To see just when I'll fall.

Yet Another Amazing Talented Young Artist =D

2010-03-15T21:21:00.000-07:00

So, I can't say that I found Jai Anthony on my own. But I'm glad I met him regardless. He is an amazing young singer who's destine to make it farther then he can ever dream. I've listened to a few of his songs, and they are more than catchy. I've still got his newest single "Diary" stuck in my head!

So please take my advice and look him up... I'll even provide you with a link to his new single!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODFukw8ERwo

You can also find him on twitter! So follow him, you won't regret it =D
----> www.twitter.com/JaiAntony

So, what are you still here for! Go listen! Download! And support this young artists dream =D

Until next time,
BP!

There's A Story Behind These Brown Eyes

2010-03-13T23:21:00.000-08:00

My eyes close tightly as to let dreams take hold
Dreaming of places where mendacity ceased
Where I wouldn't be lost in a sea of uncertainty
Longing for the day when this facade could be broken
Peacefulness could linger without faltering
And reality wouldn't seem so cold-blooded
A place where you didn't expect heartache
And with this new light I might be able to trust
What I wouldn't give to be able to feel again
To know what it's like to not have this sensational doubt
But ghosts from my past still lurk in the shadows of my future
I'm too terrified to move for I'm bound by chains
But through all this turmoil I'm forced to smile
To make small talk when I've nothing positive to say
People who try to understand can't make it make sense
They only see what is meant to be seen
A joyless smile and a soulless body
Time my turn this grim picture some day
but until it does I'm just going to be me
yet I want you to know
There's a story behind these brown eyes.

My Musical Inspiration Today =D

2010-03-11T19:53:00.000-08:00

The End- Pearl Jam- Backspacer

http://www.pearljam.com/

Haven't Met You Yet- Michael Buble- Crazy Love
http://www.michaelbuble.com/

Fallin' For You- Colbie Caillat- Breakthrough

http://www.colbiecaillat.com/

The Best Day- Taylor Swift- Fearless

www.taylorswift.com

Evermore

2010-03-10T18:40:00.000-08:00

I grasp this picture with the force of a million tears
You were more than something special
A ray of incredible brilliance
One that radiated an infectious aura
Infusing a permanent mark on whoever you met
You were the perfect remedy for a bad day
A smile and A hug seemed to be better than any drug
But fate took you, callously ripping you from my side
I was left broken and bleeding without you
Nothing became everything as I searched
Looking relentlessly for a reason to live
But questions ran rampant
If your were punished, what wasn't I?
Never an answer to sooth my guilty mind
The grief slowly but without doubt sheared away my sanity
Until I found a new light
Not one that belittled your own
One that you have joined
Together you shine down upon me with beauty
Lighting a new path for me to move along
Though the wound is still evident
It's numbed by your light
So I'll smile and wipe my my tear stained cheeks
You may be in heaven, and I'm still on earth
But your presence will linger with me evermore
Forever and always I'll love you.

Take A Look At This Talented Young Artist!

2010-03-09T19:50:00.000-08:00

I know a very talented young artist by the name of Trevor Hoen. His music is nothing short of inspiring! He was born and raised on the Oregon Coast, and I'm truly blessed to be able to say that I've known him my whole life. He released a demo in Janurary called "Glance" and now he has release another! This one titled "Sun Shine Through"

I've listened to it personally, and I feel that he has the talent and the integrity to get exactly where he wants to go.

So please, take a look! You won't be dissapointed!

You can listen to both of his demos by going to this link ----> www.myspace.com/trevorhoen You might even be able to download the first one =D

And also, follow him on Twitter! ----> www.twitter.com/TrevorHoen

So stop reading and go look!
=D BP!

Photography.

2010-03-05T23:38:00.000-08:00

This is one of my personal favorites, its the view off of my deck. I don't really have a name for it, but maybe you guys can give me some suggestions =D

Please, comment!

Brenda.

My Inspireation

2010-03-05T22:08:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I just wanted to take some time to talk about the music that inspires me =D I'm not going to identify it with any of the stuff I've posted on her because most of the stuff I do post has a personal connection to myself or some one close to me. So how about we get started!

1! You're Not Sorry/ Taylor Swift/ Fearless
All of Taylor's songs are a tremendous inspiration to me. She writes and sings the truth; most of it being things that teens can relate to. She has an amazing voice, and I find myself turning to her music when ever I'm having a heard time nailing down exactly what my muse is. This song in particular inspired a very interesting piece that I wrote about a failed friendship. The theme being without a doubt is the hurt that comes from a failed friendship.

2! MUSE
Just about any MUSE song inspires me. Its not so much the content of the song as it is the sound. When I'm writing something that needs to feel dark I turn to them to provide that feeling. They also have a few songs that are sort of like forbidden love, which is one of my all time favorite things to write about lately.

3! Fireflies/ Owl City/ Ocean Eyes
This song in particular gives my imagination a boost when I've been writing something dark. They have such and infectious sound that when you listen to them you can't help but think of the bigger picture. I use this song to help me with imagery =D Owl City has to be one of the greatest bands out there at the moment, and I hope to see more great stuff from them =D

4! I'm Your's/ Jason Mraz/ We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.
LOVE THIS SONG! It helps me write about love when I'm stuck. I love Jason Mraz's music!

5! My Heart, Your Hands/ Dommin/ My Heart, Your Hands- Single
I found the wonderful track on itunes for free! I know amazing right ;) I adore this song, even if it one of those depressing songs. I this song inspired a piece that I posted on here... I know I said I wasn't going to say that but I couldn't help it. Not to mention is more the message that the song is trying to get across is the same as the poem I posted. "How can I trust you with my heart in your hands." how can I trust you?... I can't trust you. That is what I took from it, and what inspired me. I hope to hear more amazing music from this band!

6! Naturally/ Selena Gomez & The Scene/ Kiss & Tell
This inspired a poem about undeniable love and how inevitable it is. How two people can complete one another perfectly without effort. I wasn't a Selena Gomez fan, and I'm still on the fence about the rest of her album. Regardless of my opinion about her album she is an amazing artist and I hope there will be more songs of hers that I can find inspiration in.

7! Need You Now/ Lady A/ Need You Now- Single
This song inspired a short story I wrote, I haven't got the courage to post it yet.

Now that I'm posted the main 7 I'm going to list the rest =D

8! Playing God/ Paramore/ Brand New Eyes
9! Rest In Pieces/ Saliva/ Back Into Your System
10! Stop And Stare/ OneRepublic/ Dreaming Out Loud

Untitled.

2010-03-04T20:13:00.000-08:00

So, I'm at a loss for words. I can't seem to be able to pick the title to this piece. So I'm going to open it up to suggestions from you the readers! So comment on the piece with your suggestions or send them via twitter to @Brenda_Nicole17 I'd also like to thank everyone who's take time to read this. It means a lot to me =D

If I could silence this fear
I'd throw caution to the wind
But I'm caught up in this safety net
This trouble manifest deep within
And my heart beats out a broken rhythm
Yet my soul is still present and vital
Your eyes scram out a warning
And your intentions are crystal clear
Convinced you can take me, and break it down
The wall I've built from heartache and mistrust
So I'll take cover behind this still heart of mine
As you persist in showing me
A beautifully flawed new world
One where pain and hurt have subsided
All but forgotten the flaws are evident
I can see all the bad hidden behind the good
I'm skittish at first but I'm starting to feel
This broken heart has started to heal
But fear still lurks behind the pain
You start to advance as I shut down
For the fear has broken through this perfect facade
But you've got a firm grip on my hand
And I'm scared to the point of hysteria
Doubt, fear, and a painful ache hitch in my chest
The wall like magic is building itself up again
But you won't let me go down without a fight
Not willing to part, and I don't understand why
I'm never going to be whole again
But your willing to hold onto a troubled soul
And as long as it may take
You've promised to be there.

You'll Always 'Never Love Me' The Most

2010-03-03T20:53:00.000-08:00

My hearts suffering a horrific blow
I'm all alone in this inferior existence
Darkness advances toward my weakness
As you reappear pleading for absolution
But I want answers, and my heart wants more
Redemption's in the shadows of your mind
It's trapped beneath the haze
Tinged with a sensational doubt
Entwined in a roaring sea of fear
You won't let it surface
To ashamed to fall victim to your own faults
You'll never know it
Cause I'm never going to say it
But I'm seeing you so clearly now
You will never be just what I need you to be
You'll always 'never love me' the most.

Beautifully Broken

2010-03-02T19:15:00.000-08:00

A basket of weeds I'll pick for you
Under cotton clouds and skies of blue
You wished for someone bright and new
A spotless story for you to compose
But the stories been started
And the bindings been broken
Used and abused I plead to you
Please take me in taters, please make me new
So you accept me all broken
And slowly you start to open
A world so bright and new
A basket of weeds I'll pick for you
Under cotton clouds and skies of blue
You wished for someone bright and new
But settled being sunshine for somebody else.

Adrift

2010-03-02T19:09:00.000-08:00

In this purgatory I here sit
Writing down my muse
Don't stop to ponder lessons spent
Dreaming of beautiful hues
Ones of yellow so warm
Like the bright burning star above
To blues and greens
That make the vast salty sea
And the mysterious forest canopy
But the class bell sounds my wake up call
And reality like lightning strikes
The blur of faces passing by
As I make my way through the crowd
To drift off with my dreams again.

The Problem With Destiny

2010-02-28T23:18:00.000-08:00

I've picked up the pieces of my broken heart
They're tucked away under lock and key
With no sign of ever recovering
But slowly my vitals start to steady
I'm beginning to feel this condition depart
But I've lost the key to my own heart
A reminder of what someone can do
How the love of your life can become someone you knew
So I'll walk this life broken and dull
Until somehow you pull the key
And set my precarious heart free.

I Danced With the Devil

2010-02-28T15:53:00.000-08:00

The past has slipped through my fingers
And the future threatens to consume me
My hopes and dreams turn to fears
As you impose your acrimonious views on me
The depiction of an existence at your side
Is tempting in its magnificet splendor
But its a ruse I've been told
This letting doubt seep into the cracks of my heart
But you eradicate my skepticism with your tone
I'm surrendering to you my soul without resistance
Now I've fallen for your deception
Your grip is starting to tighten and I'm losing my head
This deadness is permeating through me
I can't bottle these emotions inside
Yet I'm struggling to let them out
The battles underway and I'm on the losing team
Suddenly I see a glimmer
Might it be hope coming to undermine me again?
Or a redeaming saving grace
On its way to elicit the poison you've infused
The struggle worsens turning my eyes from you
I'm loosening my grip on existence
Ready to relinquish everything to this demon
Unexpectedly you call me by name
My eyes flash back to your glorious light
I'm struggling now to take hold of you
The demons grip is loosening
I can feel your aura grasping me
Eliciting me from the grasp of this feind
I can't focus on anything but your splendid face
Then as I look for redemption in your magnificent eyes
I can breathe again realizing what i'd done
I'd dance with the devil.

Hit Me Up On Teenink.com

2010-02-23T23:00:00.000-08:00

Hey, so I've started to post my work on teenink.com in hopes that I might get more people to look at it there. I'm very thankful to all of those who read my blog. Until next time, Brenda.

Jaded.

2010-02-20T22:42:00.000-08:00

I've noticed a feeling,
And I may have a hard time healing,
You've impaired my heart,
And yet you still won't depart.

I'm stuck under your finger,
My soul demands that I not linger,
But I'm incapable of escape,
I've become nothing but a malleable shape.

So I'll settle for a prayer,
And with my god I'll share,
Until I make my break,
I'll deal with this excruciatingly jaded ache.

First Love "Edited"

2010-02-18T23:03:00.000-08:00

So I'm no poet, but I wrote a poem to develop my character. I'm unsure if the point is understandable. I mean I know what its supposed to mean, but do you? That's what I'd like to know. Can you understand (briefly) what I'm implying. Its not supposed to show you nothing but one certain aspect of the character. SO let me know!

First Love

My apocalypse is coming,

Yet I can't start running,

There's no need to surmise,

I'm waiting to witness with my own eyes.

I'm watching it brew,

Just as you drew,

With your beautiful sadistic mind,

Should I leave these feelings undefined?

I'm caught in a whirlwind of emotion,

Because you speak to me with an undeniable devotion,

You're an image of flawlessness that I can't resist,

I'm so bemused, how could you even exist?

I'm lured by your voice,

I'm sure I've no other choice,

So I'll surrender to you my every breath,

I'm yours until my predestined mortal death.

My Second Sonnet.

2009-10-27T21:21:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this was an english assinment. I think I did okay, but I want your opinion. Its about the death of my grandfather when I was ten. Its just the way I saw things then.

Sonnet #2
He watches as a tear runs down my cheek,
Evidence left before me still hard to deny,
It won't be easy to see you so meek,
but I must say my heartbreaking goodbye.

Ah! I curse our creator for such ruse!
Giveith to us just to purloin it away!
Out hearts are like toys for you to abuse,
could agony be leading me astray?!

Grief comes swiftly stripping away sanity,
A new absence is bound to leave its mark,
but abstain from giving in to hastily,
free doubt and fear and steer clear of the dark.

Hindsight will never let us forget this,
but don't dwell in woe, rather sing with bliss!

So! What do you think?
Brenda.

Updates =]

2009-10-19T22:01:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't been able to work on Marked for two days... its driving my insane. I hope the guys are done with the windows tomorrow! Didn't get to great of a resoponse to my last post, so I'm going with Destiny. Mer is still looking over my grammer, and reading it...

I'd also personally would like to thank Roxanne Smolen, Lynsay Sands, Jessica Faust, Borbon Kid, Alina Radu, Allan Guthrie, Jacquie Flynn, Jennifer DeChiara, and Mahesh Grossman. You've all been amazing! Your advice is very useful, and I'm delighted by the fact that you've taken time from your busy schedules to send some useful hints my way. Once again, thank you SO much!

Brenda.

You get to pick! So let me know!

2009-10-18T11:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've had a very hard time picking a name for my main charecter. I've got her named 'Jamie' at the moment, but it doesn't sound right to me. I've also considered Destiny and Faith, but they sound sorta hooky in a novel about vampires.

So, I'm putting this up and hopeing that I get some feedback!

Thanks a ton,
Brenda.

Vampire Diaries; your opinions.

2009-10-17T12:56:00.000-07:00

I've been hearing so much about Vampire Diaries lately, and I was just wondering what about those novels keeps your intrest? What things do you expect from a 'vampire novel'?

Copyright.

2009-10-16T22:46:00.000-07:00

I have been quite concerned about posting my work on here. Just so everyone knows...
I do hold copyright to every piece of story that I post on my blog.

On a much lighter note! Marked is so close to being done that I'm already excited about the near... or far future. The road to getting published is something I'm willing to take. I've had this dream for years, and now... now it might just come true =] I thank all of the people who have taken the time to look at this, even if you skimmed the surface. I don't want to write for money, I want to write for all the people that love to read. Books have become a thing of the past for my generation, but I know that if one good book falls into the hands of a child, I've succeded.

So if you'd like to follow me, I'd love to have you do so. Please send this site to family, friends, anyone that might find it of intrest to them.

Until Next Time,
Brenda!

Marked; my own vampire novel.

2009-10-12T20:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I haven't went out of my way to update my blog =[ I know. I'm almost done with my novel entitled Marked, I'm excited! I have someone double checking my work (THANKS SO MUCH MER!) and when its all done... I'm going to start my seach for an agent.

Let me just tell ya a little somthing about Marked, for those of you who have never heard about it =] Marked is a cross between a 'if you watch this in the dark you'll pee yourself,' and the trial of everyday love kind of book. Yet theres this little thing... its about vampires. Even better =] I have posted a piece of chapter three below, but honestly I'm sorry to say that because of the length of the book, I had to remove that piece.

My many goal here is to connect with other aspiring novelist, and maybe even some authors. I'm open to any advice, and personally the best comment is one that you can learn from. like my english teacher would say the worst thing to say was that a work is perfect, because if you say that, your not learning anything. I want to learn. I want the advice of the people who are wiser than I. So please Tell me what you think!

Brenda.

Plans

2009-08-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

So, I've been thinking... scary I know, right. I really don't know how I'm gonna do it... but I have two years to straighten out the kinks. After High School I plan on going to a four year collage... thats normal, but after that I'm not going to settle down, I'm going to travel to Great Brittin and work on furthering my career there, before I do a little traveling, and if I feel like coming back to the states... I'll do my best to get back.
I don't want to hurt the people I know, but I'm not going to stay in complete contact with everyone. I guess I want to see what relationships can last given the distance and the partail loss of contact.
I DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYONE!
I guess I've been going through some stuff that has lead me to this, and I kinda wanna travel when I'm older. I've already made my mind on a few things... like the fact that I'm going to shock the hell out of everyone when I go back to school this year. I promise. You'll just have to wait for an explanation =D

Anyhoo... THE BOOK! haha
I am all the way done with chapters 1 through 10! Amazing I know =D I don't have anyone to edit... and I can't do it... Cause I'd pitch it, and start over... and that wouldn't be good would it. I hopeing that I can get it done, and sent to Danny for editing. Then I start the process that I'm excited about, but it scares the living daylights out of me! Anyhoo..
I'll keep you posted.

peace,
Brenda.

Life At The Moment

2009-07-21T22:39:00.001-07:00

Okay, so it's summer time for me. So that means jobs, babysitting, nagging mother, lol. The works. Althought it hasn't been the best... I'm still trying to write. lol. I did write an amazing little mini story... I'll post it soon =D
Other than that, I have gotten marked to the half way mark =D but I'm at a stand still. lol. I can't think of where to take it. I have the end wrote =D its not what you would have expected if you've read chapters 1-5.
I've had the joy of watching my lil cousins... too so thats another reason I haven't been able to write. When my head hits the pillow i'm out... lol. So I'm really hopeing that the rest of the week goes by fast... so they can go home =D and I can clean my room... god only knows what they have put under my bed, and get back to sleeping with a dictionary on the nightstand, and my laptop on the floor, cause I'm to tired to put it back on the desk... I don't dare do that when they are here! lol.
I hope to have something up soon =D
peace,
Brenda.

Plans

2009-07-06T00:25:00.000-07:00

Okay, so heres the thing. Chapter one is finally done. No more corrections! I'm really happy with it. I need to find someone that I can trust to read chapter 2! I need all the help I can get.
Thank you, Trevor, for reading, and commenting on chapter one. I'm terribly sorry if I have become annoying! I am trying not to bother you so much.

I'm hoping to get through chapter 10 by the end of july, and all the way through chapter 24 by the end of august, early september. Then I can hopefully work one on one with someone, editing it... or you could say polishing it until it shines =] I'm hoping to get more than one person to edit though...

until next time,
brenda.

The beginning of MARKED chapter 3.

2009-05-31T16:37:00.001-07:00

Okay so here is a little piece that is all about the main charecter, and some of the changes that she has notice since her creation.

Tell me what ya think!

I awoke in an empty bed. A set of clothes were placed where Owen had been when I had finally drifted off last night. The banter downstairs between Owen and Alexa was a pleasent sign, it made me feel at home.
I found the bathroom easily, and on the counter sat a brand new toothbrush and a half empty bottle of toothpaste; I assumed there were for me. I went about my normal routine... well my human routine. My new clothes fit nicely, and complimented my new body. I finished my look with a pair of old converse shoes, that I had when I came. I stepped into the long mirror to get a good look at myself. My hair seemed to be the only thing that hadn't changed, so I threw it up in a messy bun. My body look more adult-like than I had remembered, but the most drastic change was in my eyes. My adorable green emeralds had been replaced with a pair of hypnotic smoky golden sapphires.

My Licence!

2009-05-27T18:57:00.000-07:00

Okay... no writing today =[

I went into town to take my drivers test! YAY! I was shaking so bad! It was ridiculos (as is my spelling of that last word.) lol. I took the test... and passed! I was seriously so excited! When I went in... I was so nervious that my lips were dry... I couldn't hold the paper with one steady hand. I was so nervious threwout the whole test... but it was a lot easier than everyone made it seem.

So yeah... that was a little bit of my day... and now I'm off to study for finals, and maybe stick so writing in later before I fall asleep.

I promise to get some work up soon... let the school year come to an end =] I'm really excited to see what this summer will hold =]

peace out,
3renda.

Vampire Story

2009-05-25T22:55:00.000-07:00

Here is a little snip of an old story I wrote... Its a little rough, but its one of the better things I have wrote.

So tell me what ya think!

My eyes seached for the focal point of my crazed obsession. To end its existance, to feel its helpless body fall limp in my firm grip. To taste the sweet taste of their blood.

My First Post

2009-05-25T15:36:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I started this blog to document every step of the publishing process. I have been writing since the age of 12 and I'm finally ready to start the publishing process. I'm seventeen, and I'm working on my current novel (momentaraly) titled; Marked.
I just hope that this blog will help me get some of my other writing seen. So I will post every now and then, some of my work =]
Most of it is supernautral, but I do write other genres to.

When I so start to post my work... comments are much appreciated. =]
Thanks=]