http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPDcwjJ8pLg <---------- Link the the "Dirty Little Secret" video.
Hey guys! It's been awhile since I've posted, and today I wanted to talk about something that I'm sure everybody has, a "dirty little secret." Before I tell you why I've brought this up, let me start with my opinion on the subject. As we go on throughout our lives, we make mistakes and we learn from them. Most of us like to make a mistake and keep it secret, and its kind of like trying to disguise a fart in the middle of a silent room. Not to long ago I made some choices that weren't the greatest and for weeks I tried to hide the consequences. These became my dirty little secrets. For weeks my mind raced and I became paranoid that people knew. So in the spirit of not wanting to go ape shit crazy, I decided to talk about them. So, take a moment to read whats below and tell me what you think. Do you think its better to talk about your dirty little secrets, or keep them to yourself?
For the past week I've turned on Pandora while doing my workout. Normally I do a random shuffle and call it good. However today I decided that a throwback might be good for me, so I set in on a station that I created my freshman year in high school. Now back than, I wasn't stereotyped as an "emo," but that's sort of the music I decided to listen too.
Nearing the middle of my workout "Dirty Little Secrets" by the All-American Rejects started to play. Why is this important to you? Honestly... it's probably not. Yet for me it was a song that was set on "never ending" in my head about a month ago. In school I was a quiet kid, none of the kids liked me... because I was quiet, I assume.
SO my senior year, I met a guy. At first, I was shy... that was just who I was. He didn't seem to mind though. It was a chance encounter... I mean in all honesty the prices at the little store he works at... well they're "all jacked up." Regardless, I spent a lot of my time after that trying to find things that he liked so I could try to like them. My mother called me crazy... my grandmother didn't approve, my family started to hate the person I'd become.
I started hanging out at his place. Staying out until 1am or later, even on days that I knew I'd have to be at work by 5am. I was so infatuated with this guy that the morals I'd been taught were stripped away. I'd drive him to the next town over to buy beer. I'd smoke with him. I did everything I told myself I'd never do.
After about three years, he took something from me that can't ever be returned. The worst part is, I gave it to him willingly. I loved him, but he loved someone else. That fact alone is something that I struggle with now, because when I see him, I still think of all the moments. The laughter.
So my point here is that in those three years, I spent a lot of my time doing things that were bad for me. These are my dirty little secrets. We all have them, and I'm sure I'm not the only person on this earth who'd gone through this before. So if you reading this, I'd like to know your opinion...
Do you think its better to keep you "dirty little secret" hidden, or talk about it?
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
I’ll never forget the multitude of feelings I knew,
Or the astonishing sensations that flew through my veins,
It was as a consequence of this new awareness, I grew,
Yet now alone, I strive to collect all of myself that remains.
All the pennies I’d lend, to know ignorance once more,
This reflection in the mirror, a girl I don’t wish to be,
The winds of change consume me, time to find what I’m here for,
With a shaky breath, I look into the haze, soon I’ll see.
With each step I take, each breath, my lungs burn,
Those nasty habits, little bullets I took for you,
Hard to believe it took so long, still it was vital I learn,
Yet even though I know now, the storm continues to brew.
Every struggle I’ve faced, the ones I’ve yet to meet,
I’ll take in stride, remind myself that I was born a fighter,
And if I see your face again, it’s a new me you’ll greet,
For the girl you once knew, her outlook is a whole lot brighter.