People Change

I see the brilliant light in your eyes
And the way you look upon her face
You're gaze emits such undeniable devotion
With all the talent you've got under your belt
You've been guaranteed success where ever you go
Bright is the future you've been blessed with
But the lady at your side has gifts of her own
She's a charlatan some would say
And I've started to notice the light of your eyes dimming
Suddenly your no longer the friend I used to know
Vanished you are sucked into her black abyss
It's a horridly painful realization
When someone you know becomes someone you knew
Wearily I must press on and close this chapter
But just as I've become comfortably numb
You stumble back broken hearted
Looking for a haven from your own apocalypse
Now you know you held Satans angel
Certain that she was nothing short of holy
I'm torn! and I'm unsure of what to do
A friend would welcome you back without hesitation
I know what it feels like to lose you
But I have to think of what is good for me
I'm sorry but I can't take you back
If all you do is plan to hurt me again
I'm sorry, but sometimes people change.

A Fork In The Road

As time slips by
My eyes lose sight of the luster
Feelings start to manifest deep inside
Bringing me to a new chapter in my life
I've no interest in the novelties of childhood
And I'm not sure of where I belong
People watch me with expectant eyes
Their voices close in around me
Infusing into my mind what they would do
But I refuse to let you tell me
And their unhappy with my resistance
I wish that you might be able to see
I'm trying to find my wings
The choice is not one thats meant to be easy
And I'm struggling to hear my own heart
Your constant pressure has me in a choke hold
I wish you could see the resentment building
I'm not going to take the road that pleases you
Firm in my choice I take the first step
Turning only to see the disappointment in your eyes
Your disaproval is now a whisper in the breeze
And with another step I'm gone.

A Small Piece of A Special Project

Okay, so some of you have wanted me to post a taste of my fiction. Here is a short piece out of my most recent novel. I'm not quite sure where I'm going with it though. =( I do love it though! =) So give me some advice! Each and every comment is read and taken into consideration =D


You can't see death come; when it jumps at you unexpectedly. Like a shot in the dark, or a snake tensed a ready to strike its helpless, incoherent prey. I myself saw it, but didn't care. I toyed with it absentmindedly with it like I wanted it more than anything else.
I never believed the there was life after death, a place unlike any one person's imagination. To be honest I never bargained for this either; maybe I was damned. My life was nothing like it used to be. I can vividely remember the day I died, the day that only god and myself were witness to, or so I thought.


Hope you enjoyed!
BP!

I'll Never Be You're Daddy's Girl

Questions swirl around me like a whirlpool
Each one a dagger driven towards my chest
Curled up in this ball in the dead of night I scream
Enormous sobs build in my chest
An ocean of tears flood my cheeks
Why can't the world understand!?
Instead it brings blow after blow
Each one bringing me back to the start
When you told me I was worthless
That I'd never prosper
I wish you could see what you did
The nights I wake with sweat drenched hair
As the violent screams get caught in my throat
My body tensed continues to tremble
As the feeling of uselessness consumes me
I clutch my blanket the only comfort I've got
Nobody makes the motions anymore
They look down on me with pity in their eyes
But their still clueless
Lost in the battle within
I'm out of touch with the world
Days turn into weeks
And without warning the years slip past me
Now your back a new conquest in mind
But I won't give you the satisfaction
I'm learning that the pain you caused
It's made me stronger then I thought I was
But it's nothing more than a pretense
One that caries me until daylight has expired
But night gives way to the weaker me
The only part of me that still feels real
As morning beckons I cover the evidence
My sleepless night has left behind
You're the ghost of my past
Returning only to haunt my future
As freedom and adulthood near
I try to avoid your presence
But it seems that your only reason for breathing
Is to drive my already damaged heart into the ground
And claim it was all in the pursuit of absolution
But I'm standing my ground
My hearts not a toy for you to play with
And I'm not going to allow it anymore
I'm sure you'll be shocked when I tell you
That I wish you'd leave
Maybe then you'll finally see
That you were the one who broke me.

Languishing

If I could silence this fear
I'd throw caution to the wind
But I'm caught up in this saftey net
This trouble manifests deep within
And my heart beats out a broken rhythm
Yet my soul is still present and vital
Your eyes scream out a warning
And your intentions are crystal clear
Convinced you could take me, and break it down
The wall I've built from heartache and mistrust
So I'll take cover behind this still heart of mine
As you persist in showing me
A beautifully flawed new world
One where pain and hurt have subsided
All but forgotten the flaws are evident
I can see all the bad hidden behind the good
I'm skittish at first but I've started to feel
This broken heart has started to heal
But fear lurks behind the pain
You start to advance as I shut down
For fear has broken through this perfect facade
But you've got a firm grip on my hand
And I'm scared to the point of hysteria
Doubt, fear, and a painful ache hitch in my chest
The wall like magic is building itself up again
But you won't let me go down without a fight
Not willing to part, but I don't know why
I'm never going to be whole again
But your willing to hold onto a troubled soul
And as long as it may take
You've promised to be there.

Okay, now the untitled piece has a name =D
BP!

Rise And Fall

I'm known to puzzle you with my beautiful occult gift
You cannot debilitate the wall I've built
Terribly complacent am I at keeping a comfortable distance
Its the distance that makes me sure
That you're unable to see the tragedy that is my soul
Persistently you'll importune for knowledge of my past
But jaded is the heart that beats unsteadily in my chest
Letting down this guard is nothing short of impossible
Cryptic I am but you don't understand why
And your the most impetuous person I know
I long to grasp that part of my life without restraint
Locked inside I spill my heart and soul onto this paper
Tempted am I to jump headlong with everyone watching
Aware of those who'd rather see me fail
You snooped behind my back and betrayed my heart
And even with my cautious behavior
Your blind to the fact that you seared away my trust
You crept across my threshold and slowly my facade is slipping
My eyes start to moisten as I being to shut down
Little did you know that I was going to let you in
Expose my broken heart as if to invite heartbreak
But you've proved me wrong and now I flinch away
Nothing you can say will ever make this pain go away.

In An Evanescent Moment

I can feel freedoms sweet breath
As it slips so effortlessly down my spine
Eliciting a mixture of fear tinged excitement
I try to move without letting fear dominate
I shouldn't jump headlong into the great abyss
With tightly closed eyes and a guarded heart
Your breathtakingly occult gift of compassion
Was only meant to last an evanescent moment
A strange imperuous need for absolution
Has started to linger in the depths of my soul
Your mysterious with your flawless exterior
But I'm disturbed by the tragedy behind your mask
I'm not ready to give it all up to you
But adulthood's knocking at the front door
While childhood is slipping out the back
Caught up in this wary moment
I'm forced to grasp freedom with both hands
And as I take hold I'll force a smile
As the world waits with baited breath
To see just when I'll fall.

Yet Another Amazing Talented Young Artist =D

So, I can't say that I found Jai Anthony on my own. But I'm glad I met him regardless. He is an amazing young singer who's destine to make it farther then he can ever dream. I've listened to a few of his songs, and they are more than catchy. I've still got his newest single "Diary" stuck in my head!

So please take my advice and look him up... I'll even provide you with a link to his new single!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODFukw8ERwo

You can also find him on twitter! So follow him, you won't regret it =D
----> www.twitter.com/JaiAntony

So, what are you still here for! Go listen! Download! And support this young artists dream =D

Until next time,
BP!

There's A Story Behind These Brown Eyes

My eyes close tightly as to let dreams take hold
Dreaming of places where mendacity ceased
Where I wouldn't be lost in a sea of uncertainty
Longing for the day when this facade could be broken
Peacefulness could linger without faltering
And reality wouldn't seem so cold-blooded
A place where you didn't expect heartache
And with this new light I might be able to trust
What I wouldn't give to be able to feel again
To know what it's like to not have this sensational doubt
But ghosts from my past still lurk in the shadows of my future
I'm too terrified to move for I'm bound by chains
But through all this turmoil I'm forced to smile
To make small talk when I've nothing positive to say
People who try to understand can't make it make sense
They only see what is meant to be seen
A joyless smile and a soulless body
Time my turn this grim picture some day
but until it does I'm just going to be me
yet I want you to know
There's a story behind these brown eyes.

My Musical Inspiration Today =D

The End- Pearl Jam- Backspacer

http://www.pearljam.com/

Haven't Met You Yet- Michael Buble- Crazy Love
http://www.michaelbuble.com/

Fallin' For You- Colbie Caillat- Breakthrough

http://www.colbiecaillat.com/

The Best Day- Taylor Swift- Fearless

www.taylorswift.com

Evermore

I grasp this picture with the force of a million tears
You were more than something special
A ray of incredible brilliance
One that radiated an infectious aura
Infusing a permanent mark on whoever you met
You were the perfect remedy for a bad day
A smile and A hug seemed to be better than any drug
But fate took you, callously ripping you from my side
I was left broken and bleeding without you
Nothing became everything as I searched
Looking relentlessly for a reason to live
But questions ran rampant
If your were punished, what wasn't I?
Never an answer to sooth my guilty mind
The grief slowly but without doubt sheared away my sanity
Until I found a new light
Not one that belittled your own
One that you have joined
Together you shine down upon me with beauty
Lighting a new path for me to move along
Though the wound is still evident
It's numbed by your light
So I'll smile and wipe my my tear stained cheeks
You may be in heaven, and I'm still on earth
But your presence will linger with me evermore
Forever and always I'll love you.

Take A Look At This Talented Young Artist!

I know a very talented young artist by the name of Trevor Hoen. His music is nothing short of inspiring! He was born and raised on the Oregon Coast, and I'm truly blessed to be able to say that I've known him my whole life. He released a demo in Janurary called "Glance" and now he has release another! This one titled "Sun Shine Through"

I've listened to it personally, and I feel that he has the talent and the integrity to get exactly where he wants to go.

So please, take a look! You won't be dissapointed!

You can listen to both of his demos by going to this link ----> www.myspace.com/trevorhoen You might even be able to download the first one =D

And also, follow him on Twitter! ----> www.twitter.com/TrevorHoen

So stop reading and go look!
=D BP!

Photography.

This is one of my personal favorites, its the view off of my deck. I don't really have a name for it, but maybe you guys can give me some suggestions =D

Please, comment!

Brenda.

My Inspireation

Okay, so I just wanted to take some time to talk about the music that inspires me =D I'm not going to identify it with any of the stuff I've posted on her because most of the stuff I do post has a personal connection to myself or some one close to me. So how about we get started!

1! You're Not Sorry/ Taylor Swift/ Fearless
All of Taylor's songs are a tremendous inspiration to me. She writes and sings the truth; most of it being things that teens can relate to. She has an amazing voice, and I find myself turning to her music when ever I'm having a heard time nailing down exactly what my muse is. This song in particular inspired a very interesting piece that I wrote about a failed friendship. The theme being without a doubt is the hurt that comes from a failed friendship.

2! MUSE
Just about any MUSE song inspires me. Its not so much the content of the song as it is the sound. When I'm writing something that needs to feel dark I turn to them to provide that feeling. They also have a few songs that are sort of like forbidden love, which is one of my all time favorite things to write about lately.

3! Fireflies/ Owl City/ Ocean Eyes
This song in particular gives my imagination a boost when I've been writing something dark. They have such and infectious sound that when you listen to them you can't help but think of the bigger picture. I use this song to help me with imagery =D Owl City has to be one of the greatest bands out there at the moment, and I hope to see more great stuff from them =D

4! I'm Your's/ Jason Mraz/ We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.
LOVE THIS SONG! It helps me write about love when I'm stuck. I love Jason Mraz's music!

5! My Heart, Your Hands/ Dommin/ My Heart, Your Hands- Single
I found the wonderful track on itunes for free! I know amazing right ;) I adore this song, even if it one of those depressing songs. I this song inspired a piece that I posted on here... I know I said I wasn't going to say that but I couldn't help it. Not to mention is more the message that the song is trying to get across is the same as the poem I posted. "How can I trust you with my heart in your hands." how can I trust you?... I can't trust you. That is what I took from it, and what inspired me. I hope to hear more amazing music from this band!

6! Naturally/ Selena Gomez & The Scene/ Kiss & Tell
This inspired a poem about undeniable love and how inevitable it is. How two people can complete one another perfectly without effort. I wasn't a Selena Gomez fan, and I'm still on the fence about the rest of her album. Regardless of my opinion about her album she is an amazing artist and I hope there will be more songs of hers that I can find inspiration in.

7! Need You Now/ Lady A/ Need You Now- Single
This song inspired a short story I wrote, I haven't got the courage to post it yet.

Now that I'm posted the main 7 I'm going to list the rest =D

8! Playing God/ Paramore/ Brand New Eyes
9! Rest In Pieces/ Saliva/ Back Into Your System
10! Stop And Stare/ OneRepublic/ Dreaming Out Loud

Untitled.

So, I'm at a loss for words. I can't seem to be able to pick the title to this piece. So I'm going to open it up to suggestions from you the readers! So comment on the piece with your suggestions or send them via twitter to @Brenda_Nicole17 I'd also like to thank everyone who's take time to read this. It means a lot to me =D

If I could silence this fear
I'd throw caution to the wind
But I'm caught up in this safety net
This trouble manifest deep within
And my heart beats out a broken rhythm
Yet my soul is still present and vital
Your eyes scram out a warning
And your intentions are crystal clear
Convinced you can take me, and break it down
The wall I've built from heartache and mistrust
So I'll take cover behind this still heart of mine
As you persist in showing me
A beautifully flawed new world
One where pain and hurt have subsided
All but forgotten the flaws are evident
I can see all the bad hidden behind the good
I'm skittish at first but I'm starting to feel
This broken heart has started to heal
But fear still lurks behind the pain
You start to advance as I shut down
For the fear has broken through this perfect facade
But you've got a firm grip on my hand
And I'm scared to the point of hysteria
Doubt, fear, and a painful ache hitch in my chest
The wall like magic is building itself up again
But you won't let me go down without a fight
Not willing to part, and I don't understand why
I'm never going to be whole again
But your willing to hold onto a troubled soul
And as long as it may take
You've promised to be there.

You'll Always 'Never Love Me' The Most

My hearts suffering a horrific blow
I'm all alone in this inferior existence
Darkness advances toward my weakness
As you reappear pleading for absolution
But I want answers, and my heart wants more
Redemption's in the shadows of your mind
It's trapped beneath the haze
Tinged with a sensational doubt
Entwined in a roaring sea of fear
You won't let it surface
To ashamed to fall victim to your own faults
You'll never know it
Cause I'm never going to say it
But I'm seeing you so clearly now
You will never be just what I need you to be
You'll always 'never love me' the most.

Beautifully Broken

A basket of weeds I'll pick for you
Under cotton clouds and skies of blue
You wished for someone bright and new
A spotless story for you to compose
But the stories been started
And the bindings been broken
Used and abused I plead to you
Please take me in taters, please make me new
So you accept me all broken
And slowly you start to open
A world so bright and new
A basket of weeds I'll pick for you
Under cotton clouds and skies of blue
You wished for someone bright and new
But settled being sunshine for somebody else.

Adrift

In this purgatory I here sit
Writing down my muse
Don't stop to ponder lessons spent
Dreaming of beautiful hues
Ones of yellow so warm
Like the bright burning star above
To blues and greens
That make the vast salty sea
And the mysterious forest canopy
But the class bell sounds my wake up call
And reality like lightning strikes
The blur of faces passing by
As I make my way through the crowd
To drift off with my dreams again.