The past has slipped through my fingers
And the future threatens to consume me
My hopes and dreams turn to fears
As you impose your acrimonious views on me
The depiction of an existence at your side
Is tempting in its magnificet splendor
But its a ruse I've been told
This letting doubt seep into the cracks of my heart
But you eradicate my skepticism with your tone
I'm surrendering to you my soul without resistance
Now I've fallen for your deception
Your grip is starting to tighten and I'm losing my head
This deadness is permeating through me
I can't bottle these emotions inside
Yet I'm struggling to let them out
The battles underway and I'm on the losing team
Suddenly I see a glimmer
Might it be hope coming to undermine me again?
Or a redeaming saving grace
On its way to elicit the poison you've infused
The struggle worsens turning my eyes from you
I'm loosening my grip on existence
Ready to relinquish everything to this demon
Unexpectedly you call me by name
My eyes flash back to your glorious light
I'm struggling now to take hold of you
The demons grip is loosening
I can feel your aura grasping me
Eliciting me from the grasp of this feind
I can't focus on anything but your splendid face
Then as I look for redemption in your magnificent eyes
I can breathe again realizing what i'd done
I'd dance with the devil.
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OOo! I loved that one! I can deffinitley relate! Amazing job Brenda! Keep at it... And just remember, that certain times call for ceratain words... They don't always heve to be complex phrases, you know. I mean, imagine for a second you're talking through an unintelligent, uneducated peasant, right? Well do you think they'd have fancy words? You know... I'm not saying that applies to this piece, just in general. I loved it! VERY cool piece!
ReplyDeleteThis is great; very dramatic. I like the complex phrases actually.
ReplyDeleteI think an army has "sides" rather than "teams", so in the line
"The battles underway and I'm on the losing team"
I would have used "side" especially as somehow the word "team" doesn't seem to fit with the other dramatic words. It's more to do with sport than war.
Otherwise, this one flows well. It isn't trying to rhyme, so it doesn't need to follow any rules other than keeping the tone consistent.
Pinky (Sara)
Thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts and your poetry with us... Keep up! Your writing is very promising - I am sure you will reach your goals... Your twitter-friend Xiane :-)
ReplyDeleteThis is my favorite of yours (that I've read).
ReplyDelete"Unexpectedly you call me by name" is a fantastically stirring line.
Bravo.
Nick Holmes