Friday, June 11, 2010


Just imagine;
Complete sensory deprivation;
Locked inside your own being;
Immersed in a sea of darkness;
Forbidden to know the wonders of life.

No sight, no smell:
Never will thy see the light of day;
The lingering aroma of beauty;
One will never experience;
Could you find a niche in this world?

No taste, no touch:
The tongue has been stripped;
Leaving nothing to be savored;
Fingertips they softly stray;
Yet they lack the needed sensation.

No sound;
Just the simple whispers of silence;
The growing fury of a hushed soul;
A brutal internal battle of the mind;
Without doubt sanity will surly lose.

Once the predator;
Now becomes the prey.


  1. nice without our senses we really would lose our minds no point of bearing
    richly interwoven words my dear
    you keep getting better :)

  2. Wow, Brenda! This is incredible! Totally different than all of your other posts. It's like you went from singing opera, to singing country. To be honest, I might say this is my favorite; It's so well worded and insightfully dark. And what really scares me about the piece, is the irony of it, today I was talking with a blind person and trying to comprehend not having senses... Wow!

  3. Cogent and compelling, however, from an editorial standpoint I respectfully suggest the following amendments:

    Second stanza - second line ought say: "Never will THEE see"

    Second stanza - fourth line should reflect the above thus: "Could ye find"

    Third stanza - I recommend taking out just one instance of "they" in last two lines (flow breaks here due to redundancy)

    Fourth stanza - I'm certain you meant to say surely as opposed to surly in the last line there (which would change the meaning a lot).

    and in final stanza (this one is a merely a matter of style and you may leave it unchanged):

    The once predator
    Now becoming prey.

    Please don't take this critique too hard, I do like the poem and therefore wish for its improvement. Cheers!

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  5. This one really makes you think. Very well written and haunting.

  6. Nice poem, my perception is how tables can turn and someone who is on top can suddenly be stripped of everything.

  7. Thanks to everyone who voiced your comments on here as well as on my twitter account @girlcalledpoet
    A very special thank you to Obsidian Eagle (ItzQuauhtli)for your editing suggestions! I will make the changes here in the near future!


  8. I like this and I don't even consider myself a poetry fan. Nice work!

  9. After reading that I feel cold and alone hahaa.
    Very nicely written. :)

  10. This poem can mean so many things. I see it as the struggle of an individual who is afraid to live life. My favorite lines:

    "Just the simple whispers of silence;
    The growing fury of a hushed soul"

    great job!


  11. All masks fall away in such a state. Predator become prey, this is how the fury of Diana taught Acaeton the wisdom of the wild.

    As William S. Burroughs pointed out: “Silence is only frightening to people who are compulsively verbalizing.”

    You've covered the fear of the initial journey well, what of the return and rebirth? : )

  12. Very interesting... I like the kind of stream-of-consciousness thing you've got going here. My only critique is that the very last bit starting with "Imagine" doesn't seem to fit the rest of the poem, but that could be the way I'm reading it. Well done :)

  13. This is a powerful poem with some great imagery! I can feel the burden you describe so well, without senses to interpret the world. I have just a few suggestions:
    1. Because you refer to each of the senses, I think you can remove the second line, "Complete sensory deprivation" and allow the reader to realize what you are describing, to sink into the imagery.
    2. In the second stanza, I think these lines are confusing next to each other:

    Never will thy see the light of day;
    The lingering aroma of beauty;

    because you start with the verb "see" but then combine sight and smell in the next line. Maybe if you switch the 3rd and 4th lines of that stanza?
    3. In the third stanza, I think "lack" and "sensation" feel too finite, almost clinical. They seem out of place following that beautiful line about fingertips.
    4. Fantastic 4th stanza! I wouldn't change a thing.
    5. You might want to say "just imagine" in the last stanza, to parallel the beginning, but this might be a conscious choice on your part. If so, then I'm sure you have a good reason.

  14. Poignant! Enjoyed reading it.

  15. Its a really great poem! Thanks for giving me the link =)

  16. This is amazing! Thank you for sharing =)

  17. beautifully written.. good stuff =0

  18. Nice! A dark poem, but at the same time it really makes me appreciate the essentials of life.
    If you're interested, you can submit poems to be published at