Friday, April 30, 2010

This Intolerant Hope

Hope, what have you done?
You've betrayed me again,
Turned my eyes towards hell.

You took a piece of my heart,
Slipped it in your pocket,
A souvenir of your deed.

With an unbreakable string to bind,
You know I'll be back,
And without a doubt I will.

You're an addiction,
One worse than any drug,
I'll never be able to live without you.

So piece by piece,
Please take my heart,
Every last bit.

Cause as long as I have you,
I can handle the profound pain.
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10 comments:

  1. DudelApril 30, 2010 at 9:52 PM

    While I just woke up and don't seem to be feeling to well currently, I must say this was rather well written with an interesting flow.

    Now what that means is beyond me but hey, my brain says things and then I repeats'em.

    ReplyDelete
  2. pinkyandrexaMay 1, 2010 at 7:19 PM

    I like this one; the way it talks about the human spirit and our love-hate relationship with hope.

    At the end I would use the whole word "because" rather than "cause", because of the serious message of the poem. I would only use the abbreviation "'cause" if it was the lyrics of a rock song, rather than a poem. That's the only change I would make.

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  3. Shane WilliamsMay 2, 2010 at 11:20 PM

    Still deep, and still sad. You know I love and respect your talent kiddo, but I might not be the best judge. These days I only pay attention to positive messages. But.....no matter what you write, I will read!!! You always have a fan in me.

    ReplyDelete
  4. william mansonMay 3, 2010 at 3:23 AM

    heartbreak is awful as you have portrayed very well here in this poem, life isnt all roses and chocs, but if it is real, u will get over it in time, lovely poem, sad as it is, its real life :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. william mansonMay 3, 2010 at 3:36 AM

    CONGRATULATIONS, YOUR BLOG HAS BEEN PROMOTED :) PLEASE PRESS THE RETWEET BUTTON AT THE TOP OF THE POST TO GET YOUR BLOG OUT THERE, VIA TWITTER..

    http://williamm51.blogspot.com/2010/05/blog-promotions-brenda.html

    ReplyDelete
  6. trevorhoenMay 3, 2010 at 10:07 PM

    Wow! This is a WONDERFUL piece! Whew... Seriously. It's such a neat thought, to thank of an intangible thing like hope & make it a character. I thought it was really well written and flowed nicely.

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  7. AnonymousMay 4, 2010 at 7:55 AM

    “Cause as long as I have you,
    I can handle the profound pain.”

    When I was in high school that is how I felt about boys. Then I realized that life/love shouldn’t hurt.

    You are a very talented poet!
    Gerardine

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  8. A. Jarrell HayesMay 4, 2010 at 11:17 AM

    I like the images in this piece. Good work.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Author of Worlds - Brennon ThompSonMay 5, 2010 at 10:08 PM

    Pain, sorrow, hope, & despair.
    This all comes through with your words.
    Keep writing.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Rosemary Nissen-WadeMay 7, 2010 at 1:19 AM

    I like the tight construction, the passion, and the turn at the end.

    ReplyDelete

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